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 Act 7 Scene 5: Visibly Taxed.

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PostSubject: Act 7 Scene 5: Visibly Taxed.   Sat Nov 10, 2018 7:52 am

John Hampton has activated a mode familiar to him from his previous life as an investment banker in the Far-East, that of dealing with money and how to professionally bullshit people. He calls out to the man riding high in a golden chair being carried aloft towards the main-stage on the backs of an adulating crowd.

John: Mr Sumner. The man in the high golden chair momentarily glances at him then studiously ignores him. Mr Gordon Sumner.  Mr Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner. He ignores him completely.

John: Mr Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner, I am from her majesty’s inland revenue.

Suddenly Sting’s eyes go wide, a scream is heard from someone, and gasps from others. Sting’s head appears to momentarily shake, he raises a trembling hand to signal his acolytes to stop then lower the chair.

All of Sting’s power, arrogance and magnificence suddenly appears to evaporate as John approaches him in the guise of a tax-inspector.

There are whispers and murmurs ‘tax inspector’s here’ tell the others, a few acolytes break off from the crowd and run off to alert the other tax-exile pop-stars who may perhaps have spent rather too long in the country which they are officially no-longer tax residents of than they should have.

John Hampton: I’m sorry to bother you at this time but would you mind answering a few questions?

Sting is visibly pained but makes an effort to be gracious.

Sting: Of course not.

John Hampton: This is an unannounced visit Mr Sumner which is a power which her majesty’s government has authorized to me. You’re a difficult man to get hold of Mr Sumner and you know how persistent a tax inspector can be since you were once briefly a tax-officer yourself if I am not mistaken, in another life-time.

Sting: If we’re going to do this could you at least do me a favour?

John Hampton: If it lies within my ability Mr Sumner.

Sting: whispering into John’s ear for the sake of my dignity, would you please call me Sting.

John: Of course Mr Sting.

Voice in Sting’s entourage: Where’s your identification. You have to show identification. Ask him to show his identification.

Sting: He’s right, could you show me your identification please?

John Hampton: Ah, well. Unfortunately someone seems to have stolen my wallet shortly after I arrived at the festival. I noticed it had disappeared once I left the queue after buying a saveloy and some chips.

Voice in Sting’s entourage: If he hasn’t got his ID he can’t do anything to you Sting. You’ve won.


Another voice: As a matter of fact he should also have produced a 'notice of inspection'.

Sting: Referring to the voice in his entourage He’s quite right. I can’t be expected to answer your questions if you can’t prove who you are, now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some lives to save.

John is instantly passed into irrelevance and powerlessness, there are a few which tut at him as they pass him, some even admonish him for daring to interfere with the work of such a great and selfless man.

Sting walks away with his entourage but after taking a few steps his visibly weakened and seems to stumble.

Sting: I can’t go on just yet. That rather odious tax-man has polluted the purity of my essence. I suspect he was sent here by my enemy. I’m going to need some time to recover my power. Take me back to my trailer, I’m going to need at least another twenty minutes in my peace-pod. Toby, get a seaweed and dogseed enema prepared for me, I feel too nauseous to swallow anything, my appetite has quite gone.

With that Sting is lifted once again into his golden chair and his whole entourage dutifully retrace their steps and go with the now visibly ailing star back into his trailer.


John watches Sting being carried back to his trailer and allows himself the luxury of a self-gratifatory fist-pump. With that he returns to the 3d bio-screen area and after a few moments of waiting he meets up with Steve, Crew, Stookie Bill and a now paralytic Dr Kemble.

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Act 7 Scene 5: Visibly Taxed.
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