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 Act 6 Scene 5: At the Stoned Circle.

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PostSubject: Act 6 Scene 5: At the Stoned Circle.   Sun Oct 07, 2018 2:16 pm

They spot Dr Kemble who is suspiciously eyeing something which he appears to have just purchased from a festival food van.

Dr Kemble: Ahhh, you’ve arrived just in time. Do you have any idea what this item is?

Crew: It’s a sausage Dr Kemble.

Dr Kemble: So I’ve been led to believe but I have my doubts. It’s bright red. This is not the usual colour for sausages in my experience which I have to say although moderate is still fairly representative or the genus.

Steve: It’s called a Saveloy.

Dr Kemble: Is it? Hmm. In the Pickwick Papers Charles Dickens mentions a  Saveloy as an accompaniment to Abernethy biscuit and Porter beer but I do not feel he can have been referring to any article quite like this. Come to think of it there are quite numerous references to Saveloys in Dickens. David Copperfield himself if I recall states that he used to dine handsomely on a Saveloy and a penny loaf. Personally what I have here is far from handsome and I do not think Victorian England would countenance such things after all the era was renowned for its austerity and public reserve. Are they truly edible?

Steve: Well, they are probably just on the limit. I’d leave it if I were you Dr Kemble, a man like you has no business with such things.

Dr Kemble: I think you are right. I’ll try my luck with the catering again later, though I am loathe to waste food, if ‘food’ is indeed the appropriate taxonomy. 

Crew: I’ll have it if you don’t want it.

Dr Kemble: By all means, stout fellow.

Dr Kemble hands the Saveloy over to Crew as if he is helping him dispose of a volatile toxic substance. Crew happily eats the Saveloy while Dr Kemble gives him to occasional sideways glance to make sure that Crew is still ok.

Dr Kemble is momentarily distracted with curiosity as he watches Crew eat the Saveloy.

Dr Kemble: Oh yes, of course. Here it is. He takes out, a much smaller version of the Spectatron.

Crew: Wow, a pocket TV, I haven’t seen one of these bad boys since the 80’s.

Dr Kemble: It’s exactly the same as the one you saw in the lab except it’s smaller and Japanese, but it's still radioactive.

Steve: That's reassuring. 


Dr Kemble: It’s a black and white screen but it makes no odds because for some reason all the images we get from the next world are in black and white.

Crew: Kooowul. I prefer watching TV in black and white anyway.

Dr Kemble: So whatever you do, do not turn this knob.

Steve: Why can’t we touch the knob?

Dr Kemble: Because this is the precise frequency band which you can will be able to make contact with, ahem, ‘them’. If you move this you will not be able to make contact and it took me hours to find the precise narrow frequency range, they presently occupy just a couple of hertz, almost halfway between BBC 2 and ITV 1.

Steve: So you have to tune them in? Why don’t you just remove the knob?

Dr Kemble: Because for some reason the signal actually drifts from day to day, I’m not quite sure why, it might be something to do the change in intensity in solar radiation and the relative position of the sun to the Earth which effects the signal, or minute fluctuations in the energy level of the aetheric flux.

John: So what you’re saying is, don’t touch that dial!

Dr Kemble: Precisely.

Steve: I don't want to touch anything that's radioactive.

Dr Kemble: It's only mildly radioactive. 

Steve: That's what they say about Fukushima and I wouldn't touch that either.

Crew: How do you switch it on?

Dr Kemble: Just press the on button, it works just like a pocket TV. Oh, and it has an HDMI output and a Display Port output, since you may need to have all bases covered.

Steve: So what’s our plan?

Dr Kemble: Personally speaking I’ve no idea what your next move will be, my part in all this is over gentlemen, I’ve given you the tools now it’s up to you to work with them and do whatever it is you feel you need to do. I’m going to hit the beer tent until Sting comes on.

Crew: Wish I could go with you, at least until Sting comes on.

John: Thanks Brian, I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for us.

Dr Kemble: I hope you succeed whatever it is you’re doing. Personally in matters like this it is best not to ask too many questions because such answers will probably be a heavy burden to a simple man like me. Now after staying up all night to work on that thing at home and then driving down here to make sure you get it in time, I’m going to have a drink or ten.

They all shake hands with Dr Kemble and he waves as he wanders off to find the nearest beer tent.

Steve: Dr Kemble exeunt.

Crew: Oh he’s not that bad.

Steve: No I mean…never mind.

John: I’ve got an HDMI cable and Display Port one, just in case.

Steve: Why don’t we try to find that pink laser thing and just destroy it? Then we wouldn’t need to mess about with all this dead popstars nonsense.

Crew: How can you call it nonsense? It’s amazing. We’ve done something no one has ever done before and invented the world’s most amazing technology. We can finally prove the existence of the afterlife.

Steve: Yeah but they’ll make a mess of it, they always do.

Crew: What do you mean?

Steve: Look at television, it was supposed to be an educational tool Look at the internet. Terrence McKenna called it ‘the global brain we’ve all been hungering for’ but it’s mostly porn, cute cats and people arguing. Some brain! The same thing will happen with this bogeybox thing. First thing that will happen if it gets commercialized is that people will use it to do black magic to harass their enemies and send ghosts to prank their friends. It’ll be a living hell. Once we do whatever we’re supposed to do with it, we have to forget about it, in fact we have to destroy it.

Crew: Wow. Maybe you’re right.

John: I think he probably is. So we destroy this thing once it’s served its purpose. Fine by me.

Steve: But what are we even doing anyway? From what you said John once that pink lazer thing gets activated everyone turns into a zombie and it's over.

John: That’s scheduled to be the highlight of the event, after a charity appeal by the Twisted Sisterhood which are going to come on once Sting has cleared all his bongos and shit off the stage, it’s some kind of after-school witchcraft group or something, they’ve been approved by Ofsted, they’re’s going to be some kind of special show on the 4D bio-screen, then they’re going to use the pink laser during the Dark Circus’ show. I heard it on the radio.

Steve: Can’t we just try to destroy or sabotage the pink laser and end all of this without having to have recourse to dead pop-stars?

John: It’s not here, it’s being flown in with great fanfare along with Sir Nob Dogbeard. 

Crew:  Switches on the machine. Why don’t we ask Bill what we’re supposed to do?

Steve: Ok, let’s go somewhere quiet with a bit of shade, we won’t be able to see anything in this light.

Crew: Let’s go to the Stoned Circle, it’s pretty quiet up there.

Steve: There’s no people there right?

Crew: Oh there are people, but they’ll all be high on hippy-crack you won’t even know they're  there.

They get to the Stoned Circle and Crew’s predictions are proven true, the only sound is the occasional sound of a nitrous oxide balloon being squeaked into someone.

Steve: What’s hippy crack?

Crew: Nitrous-oxide: laughing gas.

Steve: So how come noone’s laughing?

John: Maybe they don’t have much of a sense of humour.

Crew: Noone will take any notice of us here, they’re all locked in their own mute sullen euphoria.

Steve: What a terrible drug. At least if they were on acid a couple would be running around being weird and freaked out and providing some edgy festival entertainment, this is just grim.

Crew finds a spot under a tree and starts messing with the fine-tuning knob.

Crew: Hey, I’ve got one! Look guys, look who it is!

Steve: Oh God no, I told you no Jacko.

Crew: But come on, it’s Michael Jackson after all, look he can still move.

Steve: I want nothing to do with him.

Crew: Listen, he’s speaking to us. Wow, Michael Jackson is actually talking to us, can you believe it?

Michael Jackson: Hey guys, you need to help me. I’m in fizzy-pop star hell, I have to atone for all my crimes against those children.

Crew: So you really did what they said you did?

Michael Jackson: Yes. I poisoned the world’s children with a fizzy brown sugary drink, and the diet version was even worse, here in fizzy-pop star hell they torture me with images of sick people whose disease is caused by the artificial sweetener in soft drinks but hardly anybody in the world know it, it’s one of hell’s biggest secrets. Even the sufferers never make the connections and the doctors tell them they can keep drinking it, and without knowing it, it makes them worse because the aspartame strips the myelinated coating from the neurons so they become inflamed and can longer carry a charge. The symptoms are what is known as multiple-sclerosis.

Steve: What about the other thing to do with children?

Crew: Don’t heckle him, he’s already in hell what more do you want?

Michael Jackson: The only way I can get out of this bad place is by…..

Suddenly the image of Michael Jackson fades back into the chaos of frantic swirling static.

Crew: Hey Michael, where did you go?

Just as suddenly Jackson is reformed from the swirling static.

Michael Jackson: I have to help you, you need to get me back on stage. If I can speak to the world again I can try to reverse some of the damage I’ve done.

Steve: Are you saying you’re going to heal the world? Make it a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race? As long as you don’t intend to make any more stinkers like that I’m on your side.

Jackson suddenly disappears again replaced by swirling patterns of static, after a few moments it appears he is gone for good so Crew starts turning the fine-tune dial in the hope of tuning back into Jackson. The static stops and reforms into the shape of a man. But it’s not Michael Jackson.

Jimmi Hendrix: You’re in the groove with channel 27, the channel 27 club gives a voodoo chile welcome to our living friends out there on that sweet and green little planet. We are still shining but our light is dying fast in this place of shadows and pain.

Crew: Hey Jimmi, that’s what Jackson said, he said he was being tormented, what are they doing to you and why?

Jimmi Hendrix: My old manager is here with me, the uncool cat who murdered me because I wanted to be free but ol’ Jimmi in his grave made a deal with the devil to get his revenge, and three years later, in the blink of my dead eye, Jeffery came to join me, but I didn’t know he was already working for the devil and so he put ol’ Jimmi right back to work and it’s a frustrating mess ‘cause this time my guitar won’t stay in tune for more than ten seconds and I never know if it’s going up or down.  

Crew: I had a guitar like that once Jimmi don’t worry.

Steve: Because you left it next to the radiator all the time.

Jimmi Hendrix: I can get out of this hell but I need to make amends by saying one last thing to the world which I always wanted to say and thought I would have time enough to say it some day, and that one thing will be enough to break free of the voodoo life for ever and join the shining light that makes ol' Jimmi's eyes cry to think of the sight of it, wait a minute, what’s that? there’s something I need to say…..but oh dang, what a hang, poor Jimmy’s fading away.

Hendrix fades away, and his shadow disappears back into the static cloud.

Steve: Is that the end of the show do you think?

Crew: I’ll just see if there’s anyone else.

Before Crew can even touch the dial there is a burst of light on the screen and Crew received an electric shock from the portable TV set.

Crew: Woah, not only is this thing radioactive but it just electrocuted me.

Voice: Hahaha, heeheehee, I’m a dead popstar and you can’t catch me.

Steve: Sounds like… Bowie?

Crew: Hey Bowie, I thought you weren’t really dead.

The portable TV set bursts with light again.

Bowie Voice: I’ve always been dead.

Suddenly there is a change in the air, the sun which was shining brightly is almost instantaneously extinguished.

Bowie: Every man has a black star

A black star over his shoulder

And when a man sees his black star his time has come.

The sky is heavy with dark clouds and a chill wind makes an appearance. Even the people on hippy crack at the Stoned Circle seem to notice something strange has happened, and they drop their little gas cylinders and slowly rise up and look up at the now rapidly darkening angry sky.

Music surges loudly from the pocket television set:

Like a leaf clings
To the tree
Oh my darling,
Cling to me
For we're like creatures
In the wind
And wild is the wind
Wild is the wind.


A sudden gale of wind surges from nowhere and blasts through the fields, sending people sprawling onto the ground and knocking over rubbish bins and even some of the portaloos are knocked down, some while they still have active occupants.

People scatter from open areas as all manner of detritus and random festival paraphernalia and rubbish are blasted through the site by the power of the wind. Scores of weakly fastened tents are suddenly plucked up and thrown into the air like hot air balloons where they join the tempest of festival garbage which becomes animated with a kind of demonic life and chases people throughout the site. There are strange unnatural howls and even something which sounds like demonic laughter coming from the wind as the people run and seek out the larger and well secure marquees for protection from what is fast becoming a tornado force wind.

The pocket TV is taken up by the wind and the voice of David Bowie is heard emanating from the speaker howling and laughing with demonic glee.

Bowie’s voice: My old friend Dylan said the answer my friend is blowing in the wind.

Steve: It’s Bowie, he’s behind this wind chaos. We’ve got to turn off the signal but I can’t get to it.

The pocket TV flies through the air in a concentric circle just above their reach while Bowie’s voice taunts them.

Bowie: the pocket TV swoops down and flies straight at Crew’s head. Ooh look out, your rock’n’rollers. Crew ducks just in time and rises his arms to grab it as it flies above him, his hands just miss it by a snatch.

Bowie: I’m much too fast to take that test…

Crew: This is no good. Crew looks around for a stone, he picks it up and carefully times his throw with the movement of the swirling and whirling Bowie controlled pocket TV Ghoulbox.

Bowie: Something happened on the day he died…

He throws the stone quickly and sharply, it strikes the pocket TV full smack-on.

Bowie: How many times does an angel fall? Ooof.

The sound and vision from the pocket TV immediately dies and it drops to the ground in the suddenly still air. The wind disappears as suddenly as it appears and the dark clouds suddenly evaporate with fanfare and the sunny late summer day resumes as if nothing had happened.

Nitrous Oxide Goofball: Looking around as if waking from a dream Was that real?

Steve: Of course not, just enjoy the festival.

The Goofball looks at them uncertainly and frowns, then sits down and hits another nitrous oxide balloon and falls over.
 
Crew runs over to pick up the fallen Bogeybox. He presses the power button, then panics and presses all the buttons.

Crew: It doesn’t work anymore.

Steve: Oh no. Well it looks like we’ll be visiting the beer tent after all to see if we can get Dr Kemble.

Crew: See, it’s God’s will that we go to the beer tent.

Steve: Are you kidding? That weird David Bowie demon episode has nothing to do with God’s will and I’m pretty sure that whatever God might be up to, I feel largely confident that he’s not scheming and trying to find a way to ensure that you can get pissed up on festival cider. If he’s got any sense then it’s the last thing he’d want to see manifest on this hitherto relatively blameless earth.

Crew: We’ll see Steve, but I can feel the power of cider drawing me to it, it’s irresistible fate and no one can fight it. I don’t know what it is Steve but I can feel my Cider senses tingling, I just know I’m going to be drinking cider within half an hour. I’ve got a premonition, it’s like some kind of cider based quantum tunneling phenomenon which transcends time and space, I can almost taste it.

Steve: You must be desperate Crew, one minute you’re bringing God into it, then the next some quantum physics bollocks.  Rhetorical bullshit won’t weaken my resolve. You’re not getting hammered, no way, not until we save the world. You just try it.

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Act 6 Scene 5: At the Stoned Circle.
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