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 Act 6 Scene 2: A Magnetized Mountain of Shit.

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PostSubject: Act 6 Scene 2: A Magnetized Mountain of Shit.   Fri Aug 17, 2018 2:35 pm

Act 6 Scene 2.


Steve and Crew’s Brick Land flat, Steve comes down stairs in his dressing-gown. John is watching the television morning news with low volume and subtitles.

Steve: Morning John, how are the girls?

John: I think they’re still sleeping.

Steve: That’s something.

John: How’s Crew?

Steve: Still weird. Well, weirder, still acting like something out of invasion of the Body Snatchers. I don’t think he got any sleep, I heard him rustling around in his room all night long. God knows what Pod People get up to at night.

John: Better check he hasn’t laid any eggs under the bed.

Steve: I made him a cup of tea and he looked at me like I'd given him a dead cat. I thought we were making progress.

John: One step forward two steps back. At least we’ve got his physical presence though God knows what happened to his mind.

Steve’s attention is taken by the television.

Steve: Oh my God! What’s going on out there?  He turns the volume up.

Newsreader: …Days of urban chaos and acts which some have been described by some as a prelude to the end of the urban civilization and even the end of the world as children all over London are reportedly becoming involved in destructive acts including earlier this morning, the assassination of Russian special envoy Turnin Turninonanoff outside the Ritz hotel by a 13 year old girl wielding a Bluebird toffee hammer.

John: Good God! How do you even kill someone with a toffee hammer?

Steve: I didn’t even know they were still ‘a thing’.

Newsreader: The Russian president has commented on this as a deliberately cynical political assassination by the British state using children to fulfill its agenda of conflict of Russia and has said that the bear will only be provoked for so long before it can no longer be restrained.  The British government are conducting an urgent investigation into the act and have released a written statement strenuously denying all knowledge and involvement, blaming instead the Iranian government and North Korea for the acts and have reiterated calls for regime change to protect the world from such appalling terror attacks. There are fears in the highest positions of the security services, that we are now closer to the outbreak of war with Russia than at any point during the Cold War. In the event of the declaration of war citizens are urged not to panic and to see it as ‘business as usual’ but to put their personal affairs in order to the best of their abilities in the event of unforeseen consequences.

This news will not affect the Hype Aid charity concert taking place this weekend in the site at Deadfield meadows in Wiltshire and last minute plans are now underway to turn this charity concert into a celebration and urgent plea for world peace and the UN have announced that they will send a special international delegation to the event who will work with Sir Nob Dogbeard on a special message for peace and will be joined on at the Golden Fountain stage by Wingby Civic Trousers and his new number one hit: Evil Rhythm, and John’s Biliary Discharge. Emma Whatson will also join the campaign as part of her campaign to promote Feminism and Witchcraft in the third world and has raised over 3 million pounds to set up schools of Wizarding against the Partriachy in some of the world’s poorest villages.

The event has sold in excess of one hundred thousand tickets and it was revealed yesterday that the event will host several brand new forms of technology including special pink peace-lazer technology and what is being called the Intervision screen. The technology is said to be able to show 4D images for the first time. Sponsored by Greenpiece It is dug into a specially constructed man-made mountain of bio fuel with a space the size of a cathedral carved into it along with a highly magnetised vacuum of Bose Einstein condensate which will allow the 4D images to come directly through into the 3d screen and our world.

Steve: Bio fuel? So basically it’s a mountain of shit then.

John: This is weird, it sounds exactly what we’ve created. Except our images are only 2D. How could they have developed this technology?

Steve looks at John.

Steve: Stookie Bill?

John: But why would they need to use magnetized Bose Einstein condensate? Of course, as the imaging medium. Do you realise what they’ve created?

Steve: A magnetized mountain of shit full of weird science?

John: More than that. They’ve created a full 3D membrane into the 4D ghost realm. This is worse and weirder than I could ever have imagined.

Steve: Yeah but we’ve got something similar.

John: Ours is just an imaging device, theirs is a two-way portal. And it’s not on the same scale, theirs is the size of a mountain with 100,000 people present. It looks like they’re planning mass possessions of the population, maybe they’ve already tested some of the technology which explains what’s going on with all these children.

Steve: How come they’ve just announced it on the news?

John: They’ve announced it, but no one will understand what it means. That’s the power of science.

Newsreader: In further news today three teenage girls have been arrested in connection with last week’s murder of a five year old boy in North Wales. The boy was found in shallow woodland along with a dead cat, some burned candles and what police have described as a stone altar. Sports news: Queensbury Triangles have lost three nil to Footcock United in one of the biggest surprises of the UAEFA qualifying first round.

Steve: Funny how they can read a string of news articles of things happening at the same time without realizing that they might be connected. As long as there’s a big enough gap between articles and a phrase which sufficiently separates them, then the illusion is maintained that all news is separate and self-contained and in no way can it possibly be connected to anything else which happens in the news. Promotion of witchcraft in the media and without batting an eyelid tells us that some girls killed a little boy in a what is clearly a Satanic ritual. How do people live like this?

John: I think you’re onto something there. That seems to be the big problem doesn’t it? Noone ever connects things to other things, unless they are specifically told that they are connected and as you say, they read it in the same intake of breath.

Steve: It almost makes me want to give up and let the Zombies destroy everything while I escape and watch from a safe distance.

John: Maybe that’s the problem, maybe most people secretly want to see a show. Like the world becomes something out of a horror movie people will just be sat at their windows chomping pop-corn.

Crew: Do we have any popcorn?

Completely unnoticed by both Steve and John, Crew has somehow suddenly appeared on the armchair opposite. Steve is too surprised to answer.

Crew: Do we have any popcorn? He asks again, exactly as before, as if playing a recording.
Steve and John just look at each other.

Crew: Do we have any popcorn? He asks again, just as before.

John motions Steve to join him in the kitchen.

Steve: Now he’s turned into a robot? I can’t take much more of this, he used to be my friend.

John: It’s worrying, it shows a kind of response engine and not a human intelligence at all. He heard us talking about popcorn so he asked a question based on that auditory prompt, we didn’t answer his question so instead of thinking about why we didn’t answer or rephrasing the question or just forgetting about it, he just asked the question again and again, like a machine would do.

Steve:  Is he a conscious machine?

John: I don’t know. I think that would be too weird and hard to account for even for this particular story.

Docs: It’s like there’s something wrong with his consciousness. Do you think he’s dangerous?

Steve: Dangerous? It’s still Crew, the only thing he’s a danger to is himself and cheese and onion Pom Bears. Anything else in the world is perfectly safe.

John: Are you sure? If he’s psychotic or something might he not be potentially dangerous or violent?

Steve: I don’t know, if ever he turns violent then I whoever he is must be a robot, even a deranged Crew’s greatest threat would be to exasperate people to death.

There is the sound of the letterbox flapping. Steve goes back into the room to collect the mail.

Steve: looks for the mail but there doesn’t seem to be any. Weird. I thought I heard the letter box go.

Crew: No.

Steve: What?

Crew: I didn’t hear anything.

Steve looks at Crew suspiciously.

Steve: I heard it clearly, I heard the letterbox rattle.

Crew: I didn’t hear anything.

Steve notices that Crew has clumsily hidden what looks like a letter under the armchair. Steve goes over to pick it up.

Crew: No, don’t touch that.

Steve: What?

Crew: You can’t have it.

Crew suddenly jumps up and attacks Steve bringing him down to the floor.

Steve: Crew what are you doing?

Crew: It’s time for you to join us.

Steve: What do you mean?

Crew: This. Crew has Steve pinned to the ground and Steve catches his eyes which are illuminated by strange pink light. Steve suddenly feels dizzy, then faint and all of his energy seems to be sucked from him and he feels himself fading away.

John: Here, what is all this, get off him. John bodily picks up the whole of Crew and tosses him casually back into the armchair as if he’s scattering a cushion. What’s going on? Sees that Steve seems disorientated. Are you alright Steve?

Steve: shaking his head I think so, Jeez. Whatever that thing is he tried to make me like him. Felt like I was losing whatever it was that made me ME, like I was being sucked down a plughole into oblivion.

John: That’s not good.

Steve: This pink light came out of his eyes, and it kind of invaded me. Whatever it is that’s taken-over Crew, it’s PINK. A pink light. How do you fight pink?

John: Maybe we need something blue to counteract it. I’ll give the Hooloovoo a call.

Steve: The super-intelligent shade of the colour blue? But look at Crew, whatever’s got into Crew definitely doesn’t seem super-intelligent, he seems worse than usual. He can scarcely function. Whatever this pink light thing is, it isn’t intelligent, it seems even less intelligent than Crew was before and that’s saying something. He’s hiding something, a letter, he tried to hide it. Steve points it’s there.

Crew: No, you can't have it.

Steve: Just ignore him John, but watch out for his jump attack and the weird pink episode.

Crew: It’s not yours.

John picks up the letter, restraining Crew with his other hand.

John: He’s right though, it’s not ours. Reading the name on the envelope. It’s Addressed to B Maitland. Same address though. Know who that is?

Steve: Bruce is the landlord.

John: Well that solves that mystery.

Steve: I’ll save it for him for the next time he has to come and fix the boiler.

John: Well I must say that was a bit of an anti-climax.

Steve: It certainly wasn’t worth getting pink-eyed over was it Crew? Crew, is that even your name anymore? What are you?

Crew: We don’t have a name.

John raises his eyebrows.

Crew: We don’t need them. We’re all the same, we’re all one.

Steve: One what? One love? One Heart? Are we gonna get together and feel alright?

Crew: One consciousness.

Steve: Where are you from?

Crew: We’re from here. We’ve always been here, except you can’t see us. Now, with the pink light technology which our helpers discovered we can take your bodies.

John: Why would they do this? Let you take over people’s bodies?

Crew laughs.

Crew: Because we are more environmentally friendly than you human beings. We will protect the planet and won’t destroy it.

John: How come?

Crew: Because we are all one. We don’t want anything, we don’t need fast cars to make ourselves feel special. We don’t want to have more money than others because we are all the same, it doesn’t make sense. It’s because you are all different and individual that makes you destroy the planet and people have tried to teach you this before but you wouldn’t listen, so now you will be replaced by us.

Steve: But where is Crew? The guy whose body you have stolen?

Crew: He is still in here somwhere. I’ll see if I can find him for you.

Suddenly a different look comes on Crew’s face, a look of the old authentic real human Crew with a questioning look on his face.

Steve: Crew? Is that you?

Crew: The face instantly returns back expressionlessness No, that’s all you get.

Steve: Like an old coin in a piggy bank. We’ll get that coin out of there Crew old  buddy don’t worry, we’re coming for you.

John: Why was he so crazy about that letter? There must be more to this than meets the eye.

Crew: Because it is a criminal offence.

John: But why does a pink light based possessing alien force care about the Postal Services Act and individual privacy? Give me that letter Steve.

He hands it to Steve who has put it in his back-pocket. John holds it up to the light and examines it carefully.

John: White label printed label, a mass-mail out of some kind. Could be nothing to be honest. Maybe these pink-people are sticklers for… wait a minute, what’s that?

John goes silent for a moment examining the envelope.

John: That’s unusual.

Steve: What is it?

John: It’s the post-mark. They usually tell you from roughly where the letter was sent from, it looks like a normal Royal Mail post-mark, and somehow it found its way into the hands of the postman, but it isn’t. It’s a private post-mark and that's weird.

Steve: Why?

John: Because there's no such thing as a private Royal Mail postmark.

Steve: Could it be connected to the military or something?
 
John: The military use their own BFPO postmarks. This is something else, something I’ve never seen before and that makes me curious. Get the kettle on Steve.

Steve: You want a cup of tea?

John: No, I want to open this letter.

John carefully steams open the letter and taking some tweezers he removes a sheet of paper carefully from the envelope.

John: Reading aloud Dear Mr Maltland.

Steve: laughing Maltland? I guess we can assume this isn’t an important letter.

John: He continues This year’s urgent humanitarian appeal will help to save many lives. Your donations give life, and will end the evil of outrageous world inequality by elite companies who will ultimately not be saved blah blah blah. Hmmmm.

John spends several moments in silence poring over the letter, apparently in deep concentration.

Steve: Interrupting So there’s nothing to it then? Oh well. You don’t win ‘em all.

John: On the contrary. There’s plenty to it.

Steve: What do you mean? Apart from a pretty bad copy writer.

John: It’s not merely a bad copy writer.

Steve: Really?

John: It’s in code. The decoding key is given in the deliberate misspelling of your landlord’s name. It’s only a very crude one however. Maltland is the clue. The people who wrote this letter know your landlord’s name very well, they changed the I for and L in order to indicate that spacing key is 3 words, so every third word is the real message which has been disguised in this apparent poorly written charity fluff. So the real message is this: Urgent will save your life, end of world, elite will be saved, only if you attend friends meeting house Friday 2pm.

Steve: But whose friend’s house? How do we know which friend it refers to.

John: Friends meeting house is near Euston station. It is the central headquarters of the British Quakers, otherwise known as the Society of Friends. Unfortunately they’ve taken their eyes off the ball for many years and now they lease their large central hall, which incidentally they call The Light, to anyone connected with the worldwide Luciferian Family which hides itself inside the UN which the Quakers have unwisely decided to throw their lot in with. I once saw Benjamin Crème there talking about his crazy non-existent UN Maitraya, George Fox would be rolling in his grave.

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Act 6 Scene 2: A Magnetized Mountain of Shit.
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