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 Act 4 Scene 1: I'm Not a Monster from a Tawdry Hammer Film.

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Join date : 2014-01-07

PostSubject: Act 4 Scene 1: I'm Not a Monster from a Tawdry Hammer Film.   Sat Jun 04, 2016 1:25 pm

A busy East-End street, Steve and Crew along with Stookie Bill who as usual is inside a ruck-sack. His muffled voice is complaining and moaning about his discomfort as usual.

Stookie Bill: Why am I always stuffed in here? I thought I'd be seeing the sights and getting back into the swing of old London town, not bundled in here with Crew's old sweet wrappers and sorts of fluff and crumbs, honestly when you walk quickly it's like being in here with a wood sander, it's not doing my old wooden noggin any good.

Steve: What do you suggest? We can hardly have a possessed wooden puppet at large and on display in broad daylight.

Stookie Bill: in a hurt rage How dare you? Possessed? I've never been so insulted in my life. I'm not a monster from a tawdry Hammer film starring Vincent Price you know, is that how you see me? Possessed?

Crew: addressing the bag What would happen if we brought in an exorcist?

Stookie Bill: I'd spit in his eye, there's nothing of the devil in me.

Steve: So what about your favourite pastime of scaring old people to death in Scotland?

Stookie Bill: defensively I don't scare them, I give them a surprise that's all, it's not my fault the old duffers' hearts weren't up to it.

Steve: Wait a minute, you said hearts, plural, I thought you just did it once. How many people have you murdered like this?

Stookie: I en't murdered noone, just surprised a few is all.

Crew: He's a devil Steve. Not to be trusted. Maybe we should have him exorcised, leave him as a harmless piece of wood that can't surprise anyone anymore.

Stookie: How can you talk like that after how I've helped you? If I'm going to be threatened and insulted then take me back to Soho and leave me in my nice old Master's laboratory where you found me, I don't feel safe with you two anymore.

Steve: Let's get him out of that bag Crew, it can't be much fun for him in there.

Crew: But he'll just try to 'surprise' old people, besides what are people going to think of us going about with a talking wooden puppet?

Steve: Crew, you forget where we are, this is London, two people talking to a wooden puppet is almost normal for this place. Talking to the bag We'll let you out, I'll hitch you onto the shoulder strap of my bag, but you must be quiet, pretend you're not alive and don't surprise anyone.

Crew: Yeah, if any old people start dying around us then you've really had it, we're good guys here you know, if you're one of us then no more so called accidental surprise murder.

Crew goes into the bag and pulls out Stookie Bill who has an old sweet wrapper stuck to his face and a spider dangling on a thread from his partially singed hair.

Steve: removing the sweet wrapper Look at the state of him Crew.

Crew fixes Stookie Bill to the shoulder strap of his bag.

Crew: There you go old buddy. Breathe that fresh London air.

Ahead of them there is a group of teenage girls hanging around the grease-stained pavement outside the Burger Monster restaurant.

Stookie Bill: quietly Be on you guard, those girls are not all they seem to be, I can detect something malevolent about them.

Crew: to Steve But they're just girls.

Stookie Bill: Exactly. 

The girls are just standing there on either side of the pavement and not talking or even playing with their mobile phones as teenage girls are wont to do. One of them is holding a large drink. As Steve and Crew walk past suddenly Stookie Bill shouts out.

Stookie Bill: Duck.

Both Steve and Crew quickly lower their heads, as they do so, a drink which was thrown in their direction goes over their heads and drenches one of the girls on the other side. 

Crew laughs.

Other girls start to come from across the road and stand on the pavement ahead of Steve and Crew blocking the pavement.

The girls stand there staring unblinking at Steve and Crew.

Steve: Excuse me young lady we have to be somewhere.

The girls ignore him and continue blocking the pavement, meanwhile the other group of girls behind them comes up and blocks them from behind. The group then move down a side street with Steve and Crew trapped in the middle.

Crew: What is this? Why are we being abducted?

One of the girls face Crew, unblinking: 

Girl 1: Because you are the enemy.

Girl 2: You think you can stop us.

Girl 3: And now we will stop you.

The girls all raise their hands and stare unblinking at Steve and Crew, a pink light suddenly emits from their eyes.

Crew: I feel faint, like I'm losing my mind.

Steve: Me too, we've got to fight this.

Girls: in unison You can't fight this. You're ours now.

Stookie Bill: Run.

Steve and Crew don't need to be told twice, they run out of the side-street and all the way to the university building without looking back.

They scamper up the stairs, all 11 flights and collapse in a crumpled heap inside Dr Kemble's forgotten lab.

Bill Hicks: Professor Kemble made a breakthrough. Welcome home boys. 

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Act 4 Scene 1: I'm Not a Monster from a Tawdry Hammer Film.
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