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 Act 1 Scene 3 Pop loving British people will not stand for it.

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PostSubject: Act 1 Scene 3 Pop loving British people will not stand for it.   Tue Nov 17, 2015 4:29 am

Act 1 Scene 3



Downstairs at Steve and Crew’s.

Crew: Wow! I’ve just remembered that I was supposed to tell you about this dream I had the other day.

Steve: Dreaming in the day, it’s alright for some.

Crew: I mean at night. You know, the other day night.

Steve: The other day night? Funny but I don’t actually think that’s English.

Crew: I had the coolest dream that wasn’t a dream.

Steve: The dream isn’t over dude. You’re still dreaming. I’m part of the dream.

Crew: goes silent for a moment Really?

Steve: Of course not Dude. You’re awake, can’t you tell?

Crew: Usually I can. The dream was so real, maybe it was real.

Steve: picks up a notebook and a pen and is poised to start writing: What happened?

Crew: What are you writing for?

Steve: I can’t think of an idea for comic strip and I haven’t posted anything new for a two days. I’m going to take a chance that your dreams that aren’t dreams might give me some material.

Crew: I saw Bill Hicks, outside the gates of heaven smoking. Steve raises an eyebrow He said he summoned me to help him defeat the forces of evil on Earth. He said because he’s not in heaven he’ll be able to help me. Once you’re in you’re in apparently and there’s no readmission.

Steve: Bit like a student nightclub then.

Crew: He says he will send some friends of his to help me but I have to be careful with them because they will need a little rehabilitating.

Steve: What does that mean?

Crew: I don’t know.

Steve: stops writing Is that it?

Crew: So you’re not in?

Steve: Of course not, it was just one of your goofy dreams. Puts his notebook down but keeps the pen waggling in his fingers. There’s no reason to think this is real. What if it was just a dream?

Crew: ‘Just a dream’? Dude, scientists don’t know what dreams are even for or where you go when you’re dreaming. A dream is vacation in the 4th dimension dude. It’s like reality but realer. Hyper reality.

Steve: So you went to hyper-reality and talked to Bill Hicks?

Crew: That’s about the size of it.

Steve: considering for a moment and picking up the notebook Ok. Keep me updated but I’m not committing to anything at this stage though.

Steve flicks the TV on.

News reporter: ...the fire broke out in the early hours of the Wednesday morning and despite the combined fire services of two counties, it could not be contained, destroying the listed 18th century historical building. Also a priceless collection of Venetian artwork was destroyed...

Crew: snorts....PORN more like

Newsreporter: The second largest such collection in private hands.

Crew: Laughing.. lol, in private hands....wanking over them.

Steve: Laughing yeah. We didn’t give them anything to wank about though did we? We showed em.

Newsreporter: At this stage it is believed the fire was caused by an antiquated gas fired heating under-floor heating system.

Steve: Blimey, those people don’t leave any traces do they? Look at the state of that! (indicating the burning shell of Felchester House) A bunt out house tells no tales.

Crew: Wonder what tales those hooded goons told the police?
Newsreporter: The house had previously been the venue for a private party and featuring the attendance of several famous pop performers, the police rushed to the scene after the report of a fire on the grounds which then spread to the house,  and the police praised the organisers of the event for the safe evacuation of the celebrities, though Sir Johnny St Vile is reportedly missing.

Crew:  So that’s the story. Looks like a cover-up.

Steve: There’s nothing left to cover up by the looks of things. Jesus, look at that, you can even see the weird upstairs dungeon where we blew up paedo Johnny.

Newscaster: In addition to the manor house the world famous abbey caves were also destroyed...

Steve: outraged WHAT! I’m not buying that! How do you burn caves down? If they swallow this they’ll swallow anything.

Newscaster: touching her ear In fact I’m getting an update that investigation has revealed that the fire WAS started deliberately and a man made explosion took place in the boiler room. What I’m now hearing is that a terrorist group calling itself Moslems against Immodesty has claimed responsibility for the attack and have called for the assassination of what it terms morally provocative satanic  propaganda  aimed at the destruction of Abrahamic values.
And we can now go over to the Prime Minister who has prepared a live statement in light of this attack on our national cultural heritage.

Steve: WHAT? A minute ago they said it was a gas explosion, what is this?

Crew: Looks like someone’s taking a  last minute opportunity to me.

PM Jack Thrasher: We absolutely condemn this very real affront to our cultural traditions and we as a pop loving British people will not stand for it. This is why I’ve started consultations on the possibility of creating a nationwide network of re-education and tolerance camps to be located in highly secured areas, where those who feel unable to tolerate the great British lifestyle will spend time learning British tolerance, humility, and banishing superstition and bigotry, and learning the pleasures of a good old fashioned bacon and egg sandwich.

What’s more we will instruct the police to issue on the spot fines for anyone overheard making disparaging or offensive remarks incited by religious intolerance against female popstars and British values and it will be classed as a hate-crime, the protected stars will include, Lard Gagger, Demon Chile, Big Brown swingers sisters and Strumpet. The same penalties will also be rolled out to protect male artists such as Big Doggy Ballz, MC Cool Rapist, Body Nozzle and VIL8R.

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Act 1 Scene 3 Pop loving British people will not stand for it.
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